Right now I feel like crying, crying again as I have the last 12 Hours. I feel empty.

My Girlfriend was here the last few Days, from Friday to yesterday evening. It was beatiful but as soon as we both realised saying goodbye meant not seeing each other for Weeks again...

She broke into Tears in the Car, I held her, tried to calm her down.

We arrived and got out of the Car, she hugged my Mother and as we walked to the Tracks she started crying again. There we sat, we smoked, talked and just spent our little bit of Time we still had holding Hands and cuddling.

Then the Train came, I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to get in too, I didn't have any Money, I wanted to purpose, I didn't have a Ring. She got in and I followed on the Outside to her Seat. I put my Hands on the Window and the Train started to move, she started crying again.

She was gone, I was alone, alone although other tried to push by. I couldn't help myself, I punched the next best Wall with all my Might. I wrote her a short Message ''Don't be sad, I am always by your Side'', but I knew how she felt, I knew what it was, I understood. The last few Steps to the Carwere too much for me, I broke into Tears, I didn't care what anybody else could think about it and I still don't. I felt destroyed, as if I would never be happy again when she is not with me, this feeling hasn't really changed.

Last Night, on the Phone, she cried again, I just wanted to hold her, be able to calm her down, but I can't and right now, in this moment, Tears stream down my Face.I can't live without her, I am so in Love with her, I can't stop thinking of her, her sweet little Hands, her Smile, she shines more then the Sun ever could. Right now, all my thoughts are on purposing, even though I don't even plan on doing that soon.

If I could stop Time. I would have stopped it Yesterday. Call me an Egoist, but if all other People would be stopped aswell, I wouldn't care aslong as my Love would be beside me.

I guess I should write whats going on with me, other then that which you just read. After I actually finished my Renovating, my Landlord told us that were being kicked out, we can stay for almost another Year, but still, we put alot of Work in this Place, my Father and me spent an entire Summer putting in a new Floor. Friends and Family spent Day's helping us move. Now we are looking for a House to buy, I am checking out my possibilities, I'm not sure if I want to stay with my Parents when we move out, I mean, why should I move to another House and then move again a bit later?

I think I have a bit of writers block right now, I want to continue Paul and I know how, I'm just having Problems connecting what has happend and what is still going to happen.

I'm miserable.